I’ve known you a long time. Practically my whole life. Remember when I was little? We were the best of friends even though you’re much older than I. I’d watch and hang on your every word, all wide eyed while you taught me. You saw me through my teens and early adulthood. You always accepted me for who I was, and never asked me to change. I can honestly say that I would not be the person I am today without your constant friendship. For that I’m grateful.
I confess though, as of late, I’ve not been the best friend to you. But it’s time for me to take care of you. It’s time for me to be honest with you. If I’m overstepping my bounds, then so be it. This is too important. Press, honey, you are in an abusive relationship. I know, I know. You don’t want to hear this, but you are going to listen to me. You’ve been in this relationship with Donald Trump for a long time. What is it, like 50 years now? That is a long time. And I know, you love him.
You know, I remember when you two first met. You weren’t sure if you liked him or not, but then his silly antics and boyish, immature way kind of grew on you. He was fun, I admit it. It was exciting to have such a rich guy chasing you. Remember when he called you at all hours pretending to be someone else. What was the name he used? Something Barron? How ironic that’s now the name of his son, huh? This Barron would tell you how awesome Donald was and that you should go out with him. Kind of strange but cute in a weird way too.
Press, he’s changed. He’s not the same Donald. I mean those cute little eccentric ways of his have grown into a full blown mental illness. He’s sick honey, and you can’t help him. Certainly not if he won’t get help himself. He won’t even admit he’s got a problem. Donald’s downright abusive to you. He’s a narcissistic, sociopathic, pathological liar who only cares about money. Surely you see that.
You’ve become a battered spouse Press. He lies to you, calls you names, belittles you and then when he’s done, it’s like nothing ever happened. Take his tantrum yesterday. He was so mad he could barely contain himself. His face was so red and he kept clenching his jaws. Why I thought he was going to jump that table full of blank papers to come after you. Then, to shame you, he called on Breitbart. Don’t tell me you didn’t know Press. Everyone knows he’s been seeing that slut. He’s even got an apartment in the city where they shack up together. Rumor has it they’re into all sorts of weird, perverted sex. Ewwwww! Makes me puke a little just thinking about it.
He’s got all sorts of tricks to play on you sweetie. Notice how he let you ask him a few questions, like he cared about your thoughts. He doesn’t. You know he doesn’t! Jesus Christ Press, he started yelling at you! Is that any way to treat someone in a relationship? Let me answer that for you. No, it’s not.
These arguments you guys get into always end up the same. You try to hold him accountable, try to get him to stop lying to you. He gets angry and yells. He calls you names and then treats you like crap in public to shame you. You cower and spend the rest of the night defending yourself, trying to explain to everyone that you aren’t what he says you are. The next day, he pretends nothing happened and you are left with a shame hangover. Then it’s just rinse and repeat, day after day, week after week. He’s using you. He gets what he wants, a little attention, wham bam thank you ma’am and he’s out the door and back to Breitbart.
Press, it’s time to stand up for yourself. You keep saying you have to be there for him. I suppose there’s no way around it. You both have to look after the presidency. That you share. If only you’d paid more attention to those signs, you’d not have let him get this far. There’d been no presidency to look after. But what’s done is done, right? So what do we do about it?
For starters, stop obsessing over him. In the past, with other boyfriends, you covered them. You covered them plenty, but you didn’t hang on their every word. You were more independent. You asked questions; and if you didn’t like the answer, you asked more. You responded to them when appropriate, and gave them attention when needed. You didn’t obsess 24/7. Besides, you have other friends around that need your attention like Congress and the states. Then there’s other stories that need tending to as well.
If he lies to you or yells, just sit down. Don’t engage. Don’t you get it? He’s nothing without you. He needs you! He has no power without you giving it to him. Let him have that whore Breitbart. No one cares about her anyhow. She’s got the herpes. No one really wants to scroll her cootie filled pages.
And call out those lies to his face! Like yesterday when he said he had “very little debt.” Are you kidding me? Everyone choked on a chicken bone when that fool said that. You don’t have to say he’s a liar; that’s beneath you. You can say that what he said wasn’t true. But don’t let shit like that slide. You look like a doormat when you do.
Lastly, you’ve got to start taking care of yourself. Remember when you used to work out your investigative reporter muscles? Yeah that. Start doing that again. Look, I know there are financial obligations and your boss is a dick, but if you demand it, you will get it. What’s he going to do, fire the Press? I don’t think so.
Donald’s abused you so much mentally, it’s like I don’t even know you any more. You’re worn out, tired. I get it. He’s worn me out too, but it’s time to find yourself. I know you’re still in there.
And Press, in case you’ve forgotten, you have all of us who will back you. Always. Love, Jenn.